The Aftermath
Its been a long few months.. and we are still dealing with the aftermath. We are so thankful to have each other, and supportive friends and family. I've been slowly writing snippets of what we've learned and been going through as time passes.. and I hope this post might be helpful to anyone going through the same thing <3
----------------1st Week ------------------------------------------------------------
Things I learned:
1. Medical bills come separately from each and every doctor, even if it's from the same hospital
2. Scammers send fake bills
3. Funeral plots are exponentially more expensive if you purchase them after passing
4. Meal train is the best thing ever- it kept us alive, thankful for the meals everyone sent us.
5. Home health and hospice are SEPARATE, if they accidentally use each other tools, you pay for it, not them.
6. You still have to file taxes for someone who has passed away. (up to their date of death and then for their Estate after that)
There's almost no time to mourn.
Its crazy.. to be honest. We were drowning in paperwork.
While my mom was sick, bills were neglected. We spent days just opening up mail to come across bill after bill. Hospital bills, emergency bills, phone bills, insurance bills, car bills, water bills. We had no idea what was paid, what was spam, what was urgent.. what wasn't. Sorting the trust..the will.. items in probate.. contacting attorneys, the bank, IRA's, security deposit boxes. The house was a mess, the garden was a mess. All this while trying to plan her cremation and life celebration as well, and answering all the text, questions and condolences coming our way.
We are so incredibly thankful for friends and family coming over to help us!
---------------1st Month- Dealing with assets--------------------------------------------------------------
Things I learned:
1. "Estate" means all the property of a dead person, ie everything that belongs to my mom is called "The Estate of Stella Chiu"
2. "Probate" is a complicated word.. but basically means a legal court process you have to go through to legally transfer the "Estate" from my mom to us.
3. All assets over 100K need to go through "Probate". That means we lose 5% of its value to the lawyers
4. While everything going through "Probate" We still have to file taxes on behalf of her "Estate" every year until everything legally becomes ours.
5. This doesn't happen if it is put into a Trust.
6. The assets have to be DESCRIPTIVELY stated in the trust, blanket statements such as "All property" does not work.
We should have made sure all her assets were clearly in a Trust, or made them joint with me or my sister. Since we didn't, we are losing about 5% of the value to lawyer fees. And it will take a year (or more if there are complications) for everything to become legally ours. This process is called probate. A will is not enough to avoid this. It must be a trust. The assets esp property must be clearly listed, a blanket statement such as "All my future property" does not put it in the trust. You must put the address.
---------------2nd Month- Preparing Documents for International Use----------------------------------------
Things I learned:
1. An "Apostille" means to get something stamped/verified by the Secretary of State so you can use the document internationally
2. LA or Sacramento are the only 2 places you can get things Apostilled
3. Your Death certificate must be from the STATE to get Apostilled (NOT COUNTY)
So.. without knowing all of the above... I ended up driving to Sacramento 3 times... YES.. 3 times.. a 2.5 hour drive back and forth each time 15 hours total. Bullocks. The first time was our fault.. we were stupid and went on Veterans day... it was totally closed.
In order to get things ready for my mom's assets in HK, we were told we needed to get our Birth certificates and her death certificate "Apostilled" I had NO idea what that mean.. and at first I thought it was some fancy British word for getting something notarized. I was wrong. Its sort of the same concept as Notary, but it has to be officially stamped by the Secretary of state.
So we finally get into the Secretary of State on a day they were open, we pull a number and we wait about 30 minutes. Our Birth Certificates were Apostilled with no issue. BUT my mom's death certificate could not be Apostilled. They told us this was because our birth certificate was issued by the State Recorder, but her Death Certificate was issued by Orange County Recorder. In order to get THAT one Apostilled, you can do two things 1. Order a Death Certificate from the State, OR 2. Go to the Orange County Recorders office, and have the signature verified. We went to the Recorders, they attached a sheet of paper verifying the signature and used an embossing stamp to stamp through both papers. HOWEVER, AS WE WERE LEAVING.. I realized they made a mistake!!! The paper they attached to it said "We verify this BIRTH CERTIFICATE... blah blah blah" SO.. we had to go back! and they had to change it and restamp it. -_- After that, back to Sacramento, I went to get it Apostilled.
---------------3rd Month- Traveling to Hong Kong---------------------------------------------------------
Things we learned:
1. It is possible to get and renew a passport the SAME day-- we got it in 2 hours!
2. The Will cannot be 3 hole punched. (in HK)
So 2 days before we need to leave for Hong Kong, We find out my sister's passport is expiring BEFORE we return. Yikes. We can't even check in. I totally freak out, its Friday, our flight is Monday afternoon, and everything government is closed on the weekends. There is literally NOTHING we can do. We looked up every rush service online.. and we were freaking out. We can't cancel or change our flights either.. After hours of research.. we learn that it is MAYBE possible to get a passport the same day. The passport center opens at 9am in SF. In order to make our flight... the passport would need to be turned over in 2.5 hours or less.
The morning of our flight, we wake up at 4am, and drive straight to SF, we arrive at 6am and we try to wait outside. The security guard eventually tells us we can't wait around--and shoo's us away to the cafeteria downstairs. Right at the 9am mark, there is a mad rush for the elevators.
We explained our situation and present my mom's death certificate. They categorized our situation as a "life or death" situation as we were given a special number and letter different from everyone else. They told us they would do our best to help us, and they did. 2 hours later, the passport was ready! WHEW!
My wonderful friend Michelle Ng was so kind to let me park my car at her home and take us to the airport <3 <3 We are so lucky this worked out.
In Hong Kong, it mostly went smooth.. but we ran into a few snafus.
1. Due to how complicated it was to get Apostilled.. we weren't able to get it in time
2. We wanted to scatter some of her ashes in HK, and we sent over paperwork via snail mail, but it got lost in the mail T_T (I JUST got returned to me 2 days ago on Dec 26th.. we sent it out in September)
3. My mom's Will was neatly 3 hole punched and put into a folio. This was done by the lawyer who prepared it for her. Apparently...this is not allowed in Hong Kong. No "tampering" of the Will is allowed. So we had to prepare a whole other statement on WHY there were 3 holes in the will.
Luckily after our time in HK, I planned a relaxing sisters trip for us to in Japan.. literally ONSEN ONSEN ONSEN DISNEY ONSEN, and it was just a really nice time. to take a small breather. Whew
-----------4th Month- Las Vegas-------------------------
1. Palm Tree's in las vegas are not allowed to have "beards" (like all the ones in California do)
My mom was living in Vegas before she got sick.... apparently her home there has been racking up 50 dollar fine per WEEK for not cutting off the "beard" of the palm trees. YIKES.. we called them to explain the situation.. and they promptly told us if we took care of it, they "might" take of one or two weeks fine. T_T So we rushed over to Vegas to find a tree trimmer and take care of it right away!
----------5th Month- Still dealing with bills--------------
1. Insurance randomly deems things "medically unnecessary" but they are usually wrong and you can dispute it.
2. Home health is something that needs to be PRE-QUALIFIED before insurance will cover it
3. Having access to a fax machine is important.
Specifically home health, not hospice. Before my mom started home health the hospital told us that insurance would cover home health, but now we are being told she was not "prequalified" and we owe lots. And theres no way to be pre-qualified after the fact. We've been calling in circles, the insurance, billing, and doctor, and then faxing in circles for everything. Sometimes its one circle.. and sometimes it 10. We would have to procure a note from a doctor that her procedure was "medically necessary" Fax it all over.. and then we'd think it was taken care of, and then 3 weeks later get a collection notice and the cycle starts again. T_T I think over half of my life was spent listing to "on hold" music these past few months.
-----------------------------------------
We are still slowly working through things.. but its definitely getting a lot better! We missed her this holiday season, and it was a strange feeling to not to see her or celebrate with her.
I know every situation is unique, but I hope that this bit of info might help anyone going through the similar things feel a little less alone. If you want someone to talk to, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm happy to hug, listen and help in anyway I can.
MARCH 2019 update----------- Car Title Fiasco
1. You can't receive a title without surrendering a title
2. If a title doesn't exist, you're pretty much screwed
We couldn't find the title to my mom's car anywhere. However, even if you don't have the physical paper title, the DMV should have a history of it, and be able to reissue you one (with a fee)
After filling out alot of paperwork, sending lots of checks, and being on hold for countless hours between the NV DMV CA DMV, and the dealership, We came back with NOTHING. No one knows what to do, or how to proceed in this situation.
With official paperwork from California DMV and Nevada DMV both stating there no title exist.. we were so lost. and no one was able to help us. I went in to the Santa Rosa DMV with both of these in hand, and asked what I could do? The manager told me "there are 48 other States, check there" I was so frustrated after, I sat in my car and just cried in the DMV parking lot. There was no possible way my mom had it titled in any other state. She was sick.
After calling the DMV's back and forth many more times, the dealership prooved to be the most helpful and compassionate. We eventually found... my mom purchased her car in California, was given a permit to drive her car to Nevada, registered her car there, and thats all. According to the NV DMV, they were waiting for the Dealership to send a "MOV" (birth certificate of the car) to them.. so they could issue a title, and according to the Dealership.. they sent that "MOV" to my mom. We have no idea where it is :( No one knows what to do.. and no one is able to help us. I think we might just have to bond the car, wait 3 years and title it then.
----------------1st Week ------------------------------------------------------------
Things I learned:
1. Medical bills come separately from each and every doctor, even if it's from the same hospital
2. Scammers send fake bills
3. Funeral plots are exponentially more expensive if you purchase them after passing
4. Meal train is the best thing ever- it kept us alive, thankful for the meals everyone sent us.
5. Home health and hospice are SEPARATE, if they accidentally use each other tools, you pay for it, not them.
6. You still have to file taxes for someone who has passed away. (up to their date of death and then for their Estate after that)
There's almost no time to mourn.
Its crazy.. to be honest. We were drowning in paperwork.
While my mom was sick, bills were neglected. We spent days just opening up mail to come across bill after bill. Hospital bills, emergency bills, phone bills, insurance bills, car bills, water bills. We had no idea what was paid, what was spam, what was urgent.. what wasn't. Sorting the trust..the will.. items in probate.. contacting attorneys, the bank, IRA's, security deposit boxes. The house was a mess, the garden was a mess. All this while trying to plan her cremation and life celebration as well, and answering all the text, questions and condolences coming our way.
We are so incredibly thankful for friends and family coming over to help us!
---------------1st Month- Dealing with assets--------------------------------------------------------------
Things I learned:
1. "Estate" means all the property of a dead person, ie everything that belongs to my mom is called "The Estate of Stella Chiu"
2. "Probate" is a complicated word.. but basically means a legal court process you have to go through to legally transfer the "Estate" from my mom to us.
3. All assets over 100K need to go through "Probate". That means we lose 5% of its value to the lawyers
4. While everything going through "Probate" We still have to file taxes on behalf of her "Estate" every year until everything legally becomes ours.
5. This doesn't happen if it is put into a Trust.
6. The assets have to be DESCRIPTIVELY stated in the trust, blanket statements such as "All property" does not work.
We should have made sure all her assets were clearly in a Trust, or made them joint with me or my sister. Since we didn't, we are losing about 5% of the value to lawyer fees. And it will take a year (or more if there are complications) for everything to become legally ours. This process is called probate. A will is not enough to avoid this. It must be a trust. The assets esp property must be clearly listed, a blanket statement such as "All my future property" does not put it in the trust. You must put the address.
---------------2nd Month- Preparing Documents for International Use----------------------------------------
Things I learned:
1. An "Apostille" means to get something stamped/verified by the Secretary of State so you can use the document internationally
2. LA or Sacramento are the only 2 places you can get things Apostilled
3. Your Death certificate must be from the STATE to get Apostilled (NOT COUNTY)
So.. without knowing all of the above... I ended up driving to Sacramento 3 times... YES.. 3 times.. a 2.5 hour drive back and forth each time 15 hours total. Bullocks. The first time was our fault.. we were stupid and went on Veterans day... it was totally closed.
In order to get things ready for my mom's assets in HK, we were told we needed to get our Birth certificates and her death certificate "Apostilled" I had NO idea what that mean.. and at first I thought it was some fancy British word for getting something notarized. I was wrong. Its sort of the same concept as Notary, but it has to be officially stamped by the Secretary of state.
So we finally get into the Secretary of State on a day they were open, we pull a number and we wait about 30 minutes. Our Birth Certificates were Apostilled with no issue. BUT my mom's death certificate could not be Apostilled. They told us this was because our birth certificate was issued by the State Recorder, but her Death Certificate was issued by Orange County Recorder. In order to get THAT one Apostilled, you can do two things 1. Order a Death Certificate from the State, OR 2. Go to the Orange County Recorders office, and have the signature verified. We went to the Recorders, they attached a sheet of paper verifying the signature and used an embossing stamp to stamp through both papers. HOWEVER, AS WE WERE LEAVING.. I realized they made a mistake!!! The paper they attached to it said "We verify this BIRTH CERTIFICATE... blah blah blah" SO.. we had to go back! and they had to change it and restamp it. -_- After that, back to Sacramento, I went to get it Apostilled.
---------------3rd Month- Traveling to Hong Kong---------------------------------------------------------
Things we learned:
1. It is possible to get and renew a passport the SAME day-- we got it in 2 hours!
2. The Will cannot be 3 hole punched. (in HK)
So 2 days before we need to leave for Hong Kong, We find out my sister's passport is expiring BEFORE we return. Yikes. We can't even check in. I totally freak out, its Friday, our flight is Monday afternoon, and everything government is closed on the weekends. There is literally NOTHING we can do. We looked up every rush service online.. and we were freaking out. We can't cancel or change our flights either.. After hours of research.. we learn that it is MAYBE possible to get a passport the same day. The passport center opens at 9am in SF. In order to make our flight... the passport would need to be turned over in 2.5 hours or less.
The morning of our flight, we wake up at 4am, and drive straight to SF, we arrive at 6am and we try to wait outside. The security guard eventually tells us we can't wait around--and shoo's us away to the cafeteria downstairs. Right at the 9am mark, there is a mad rush for the elevators.
We explained our situation and present my mom's death certificate. They categorized our situation as a "life or death" situation as we were given a special number and letter different from everyone else. They told us they would do our best to help us, and they did. 2 hours later, the passport was ready! WHEW!
My wonderful friend Michelle Ng was so kind to let me park my car at her home and take us to the airport <3 <3 We are so lucky this worked out.
In Hong Kong, it mostly went smooth.. but we ran into a few snafus.
1. Due to how complicated it was to get Apostilled.. we weren't able to get it in time
2. We wanted to scatter some of her ashes in HK, and we sent over paperwork via snail mail, but it got lost in the mail T_T (I JUST got returned to me 2 days ago on Dec 26th.. we sent it out in September)
3. My mom's Will was neatly 3 hole punched and put into a folio. This was done by the lawyer who prepared it for her. Apparently...this is not allowed in Hong Kong. No "tampering" of the Will is allowed. So we had to prepare a whole other statement on WHY there were 3 holes in the will.
Luckily after our time in HK, I planned a relaxing sisters trip for us to in Japan.. literally ONSEN ONSEN ONSEN DISNEY ONSEN, and it was just a really nice time. to take a small breather. Whew
-----------4th Month- Las Vegas-------------------------
1. Palm Tree's in las vegas are not allowed to have "beards" (like all the ones in California do)
My mom was living in Vegas before she got sick.... apparently her home there has been racking up 50 dollar fine per WEEK for not cutting off the "beard" of the palm trees. YIKES.. we called them to explain the situation.. and they promptly told us if we took care of it, they "might" take of one or two weeks fine. T_T So we rushed over to Vegas to find a tree trimmer and take care of it right away!
----------5th Month- Still dealing with bills--------------
1. Insurance randomly deems things "medically unnecessary" but they are usually wrong and you can dispute it.
2. Home health is something that needs to be PRE-QUALIFIED before insurance will cover it
3. Having access to a fax machine is important.
Specifically home health, not hospice. Before my mom started home health the hospital told us that insurance would cover home health, but now we are being told she was not "prequalified" and we owe lots. And theres no way to be pre-qualified after the fact. We've been calling in circles, the insurance, billing, and doctor, and then faxing in circles for everything. Sometimes its one circle.. and sometimes it 10. We would have to procure a note from a doctor that her procedure was "medically necessary" Fax it all over.. and then we'd think it was taken care of, and then 3 weeks later get a collection notice and the cycle starts again. T_T I think over half of my life was spent listing to "on hold" music these past few months.
-----------------------------------------
We are still slowly working through things.. but its definitely getting a lot better! We missed her this holiday season, and it was a strange feeling to not to see her or celebrate with her.
I know every situation is unique, but I hope that this bit of info might help anyone going through the similar things feel a little less alone. If you want someone to talk to, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm happy to hug, listen and help in anyway I can.
MARCH 2019 update----------- Car Title Fiasco
1. You can't receive a title without surrendering a title
2. If a title doesn't exist, you're pretty much screwed
We couldn't find the title to my mom's car anywhere. However, even if you don't have the physical paper title, the DMV should have a history of it, and be able to reissue you one (with a fee)
After filling out alot of paperwork, sending lots of checks, and being on hold for countless hours between the NV DMV CA DMV, and the dealership, We came back with NOTHING. No one knows what to do, or how to proceed in this situation.
With official paperwork from California DMV and Nevada DMV both stating there no title exist.. we were so lost. and no one was able to help us. I went in to the Santa Rosa DMV with both of these in hand, and asked what I could do? The manager told me "there are 48 other States, check there" I was so frustrated after, I sat in my car and just cried in the DMV parking lot. There was no possible way my mom had it titled in any other state. She was sick.
After calling the DMV's back and forth many more times, the dealership prooved to be the most helpful and compassionate. We eventually found... my mom purchased her car in California, was given a permit to drive her car to Nevada, registered her car there, and thats all. According to the NV DMV, they were waiting for the Dealership to send a "MOV" (birth certificate of the car) to them.. so they could issue a title, and according to the Dealership.. they sent that "MOV" to my mom. We have no idea where it is :( No one knows what to do.. and no one is able to help us. I think we might just have to bond the car, wait 3 years and title it then.
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